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Nyoko's Thoughts

Jan 18~

Back at school! My dorm room is sooooo hot. I don't ever remember being this hot in winter. So when I came back into my dorm there was a GIANT puddle in my dorm from my heater leaking. And to make it even better, my desktop computer was sitting right in the middle of the puddle! Fantastic! -_-

Good new is, my RA said the school would replace it if it was broken...

I'm not quite moved in all the way, but tomorrow its a holiday, so I'll finish tomorrow. Class on tuesday.
 
CREEPER NO CREEPING!
That is all. Ha.

Oh! And for a bit of humor. I burned my leg with a hot rice bowl.... I was making rice and set it on my leg, but since I can't feel it... it burned a nice circle into my leg. I know its not that funny.... but the funny thing is this isn't the first time I've done this. I have a scar on my other knee from a rice bowl.

I accidentally poured hot steaming ramen juice down my shoe and burned the bottom of my foot.... burned the same foot, but on the ankle on a heater (we think) the cause is still undecided, a huge ass blister just showed up one day. And thats only the times i've burned myself with food.
 
I had a freaky vivid dream while taking a nap today... I typed it up and might post it later. The thing that freaked me out the most was that I was actually crippled in this dream.
Never in my 20 years of living have I been crippled in one of my dreams, but today I was, and I felt entirely helpless. Constantly in the dream I was having to be carried, and I didn't even have a wheelchair. One guy in my dream carried me away from the danger in the dream, but left me behind after a while. Then a younger guy, saved me...

I usually find meanings in my dreams, but I'm kinda scared of this one....
 
You can PM or IM me and we can talk about it if you want. I could help you figure it out. I don't want you to be worried about your dreams, especially when it's so distressing.
 
I've been having problems with a spot on my back, its painful, and any time something in my back hurts its a cause for concern. I'm not dead yet, so it can't be that bad, haha. But lately its been increasing and making it hard for me to sit up in my chair for too long.

My theory is that its the muscles in my right leg pulling on my back. Because thats what it feels like, and despite me having no feeling in my leg, I can feel it pulling. See, I have a muscle contraction on my right leg, and my leg doesn't straighten out completely, my tendon under my knee is soooo tight , and is often annoying, but ive learned to live with it.

Back in 2008, I had a surgery to cut that tendon to release some pressure on the muscle, but... it didn't work really. And I got to graduate with a massive leg cast. The pictures are funny.

Anyways, so I go see the doctor Feb. 3rd. I already know my options, we've discussed them before. The next option I have is for a surgery to straighten out my leg. It takes MONTHS, I have to have this metal cage on my knee, so id either miss school or my summer. Plus, why go through all that when I don't even need or use this leg?

So I'm going to ask the doctor something that may make me sound crazy. I'm going to ask if he can amputate the leg. It makes sense to me, I don't use the leg, I could do with it, at least from the knee down, and it would hopefully stop the muscle from tensing up so badly. This problem has plagued me since I was little. Ive had 2-3 surgeries to fix it... but it always gets worse.

So it makes sense to me. Mom says the doctor wont do it, because its technically a healthy leg. I always use to joke about getting it frost bite or something like that just so he would have to amputate it.

I can't wait to hear what he says. I will not waste months of my life, in a hospital fixing a leg I can just do without and probably be happier...

Anyone think I'm nuts? haha.
 
I don't think it's nuts. It makes perfect sense to me. It seems far more convenient and I'll get a Nyoko leg, FINALLY!
 
It's not quite as simple as 'snip snip on yer way now', Nyoko. But I think you know that already. Just seriously consider the relative benefits and risks, ja?

Also bear in mind that if the doctor did amputate and something went wrong, he'd probably lose his license.
 
Trygon said:
It's not quite as simple as 'snip snip on yer way now', Nyoko. But I think you know that already. Just seriously consider the relative benefits and risks, ja?

Also bear in mind that if the doctor did amputate and something went wrong, he'd probably lose his license.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I totally get that. I'd hate to be the cause of him losing his license or something worse, because he's saved my life so many times.

I'm just hoping he can give me a better option. The amputation is like a final resort thing in my mind. Ive been weighing the risks and benefits every since ive come up with this crazy idea when I was 14. (Back then he told me no. haha)

If he says no I'd not push it, because for one, he's the doctor, not me. I'm just sick of this stupid leg...
 
Nyoko said:
Trygon said:
It's not quite as simple as 'snip snip on yer way now', Nyoko. But I think you know that already. Just seriously consider the relative benefits and risks, ja?

Also bear in mind that if the doctor did amputate and something went wrong, he'd probably lose his license.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I totally get that. I'd hate to be the cause of him losing his license or something worse, because he's saved my life so many times.

I'm just hoping he can give me a better option. The amputation is like a final resort thing in my mind. Ive been weighing the risks and benefits every since ive come up with this crazy idea when I was 14. (Back then he told me no. haha)

If he says no I'd not push it, because for one, he's the doctor, not me. I'm just sick of this stupid leg...
Click to expand...
Plus, you should also keep an eye to the future. While I don't know the specifics of your disability, there's some pretty remarkable nerve regeneration technology being developed right now - Wouldn't it be a pisser to amputate, only for someone to roll out some way to restore some function to your legs in a few years?

Then again, that's unlikely. Even if such a method was developed, the atrophy would probably keep you wheelchair-bound anyway. Eh. Like I said, there's lots of angles to such a choice.
 
Indeed there is, i've had a few medical break throughs done to me, haha. Medicine just keeps getting more interesting. Hopefully another solution for this leg will present itself.

Because in reality, theres a 3% chance that the doctor would amputate it. That was just a few thoughts I had about it, quick fixes aren't always the solution, probably especially when we are talking about limbs. I just really hope he doesn't suggest the option of staying in the hospital for a long while to fix the leg. We've tried physical therapy, cutting part of the tendon. I even had my leg shortened so the muscle would loosen. So, I guess I'll see whats next.

My aunt used to work in neurology and i've even been in scientific journals because my disabilities are so rare. Well the combination of them is. And if you are ever curious of specifics, I don't mind sharing, just have to ask.
 
Today was a good day. :)

Thursday hopefully I'll be getting a new camera! So woot!
 
I got my new camera!
Its pretty awesome, I'm happy with it. Its surprisingly very small!

We are starting an anime club at my college, so that is what I've been doing the past few days, and its very nice to not be cooped up in my room all the time. Making new friends was easier then I thought. :)
 
So... I hate when I say something, and its perverted, when I didn't even mean it to be.... Then I get embarrassed and deny I meant that, but they still insist I did it on purpose. Ive been in this awkward situation so many times, lol.
 
Nyoko said:
So... I hate when I say something, and its perverted, when I didn't even mean it to be.... Then I get embarrassed and deny I meant that, but they still insist I did it on purpose. Ive been in this awkward situation so many times, lol.
Click to expand...

I have that happen ALL the damn time. And it's usually not even perverted o-o it's something I walked into and they twisted it into being perverted .-.
 
Isn't my Stargate Ipod touch theme the COOLEST!

ipodtheme.jpg


So awesome.
 
So, doctors appointment tomorrow. My mom might bring her new "boyfriend".... kinda weird.... because we are spending the night in a hotel since the doctors is two hours away and very early in the morning.

We shall see how this goes.

Edit-
HAHA. I totally lied... my appointment is Wednesday, but we are going up tomorrow night.
 
I just got back from the doctors, and last night certainly took a odd turn. My mom wanted to see if her "boyfriend" was going to go along with us, but he said no. He lives like a hour or two from my moms place so she decided to drive to meet him while on our way to the doctors.

He is actually pretty cool. We ended up spending the night there instead of a hotel, and I played call of duty online with him all night.

So anyways, saw the doctor. I DIDN'T ask about the amputation thing, because I didn't find a need for it. The doctor seems to think I might have pulled a muscle or something in my back and told me to start taking medicine constantly. So hopefully that helps, and is a big step down from what I thought might be the problem. This is why he is the doctor... not me. xD

And my xrays looked good, no more broken rods! So good day. Now I'm going to pass out for 5 hours since I barely slept.
 
I bought plane tickets and reserved my hotel. :)

My spring break will be AWESOME!
 
Alright!
I'll be gone for a good week. See, it's spring break and my laptop wireless card is broken. So that means no net for me at home besides my iPod. I'll be on sometimes, but not regularly for a week or so.

Plus! Tuesday I leave for Seattle. Yay! :)
 
Well. I had a great time in Seattle... came back and lost my purple name due to inactivity, go figure.... I'm saddened, but I know my replacement will do a good job. ^_^

Its probably a good thing, because that was the only thing really tying me to the site anymore. The weathers getting warmer and that means I wont be around as much. Plus I'm falling behind in school.... so I really need to take a break.

This isn't good-bye totally. Just for now. Most of the people I talk to most on here know other ways to get ahold of me, and if anyone wants my IMs or email, send me a PM.

I'll log on from time to time, and there is a group RP I said i'd do, so I'll continue with that if another post gets made.

Well, its been fun.

Nyoko
 
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