Patreon LogoYour support makes Blue Moon possible (Patreon)

Being Honest Online

I value my privacy. My social media and forum accounts are very segregated into the ones for people who know me IRL and the ones where I'm anonymous. I even feel weird posting my dog on my nsfw artist Twitter. I don't post the same ones as on my real FB just in case someone bothers to reverse image search. Paranoid? No. I think it would be devastating to have someone from my family or workplace find my art or ERP outlets. It's worth a moment of care.

I also don't lie online. I don't lie to be liked IRL (plenty to my own misfortune), and I have the same approach online. I might act more cheerful than I really am, but I'm morbidly depressed and don't want to scare off activity partners that might be a small glimmer of light in the darkness. I don't think I've ever made up lies about myself to seem cool or deserving of sympathy or whatever. Though, I did have an interesting few years and some great stories. I rarely even tell them to anyone I don't know IRL.

So, no. No need to lie here. I'm not looking for people to be my fans (outside of for my art), nor do I feel validated by sympathy or the envy of online strangers. I'm here to RP. I'll talk about that. We might end up chatting about our day. If it goes further than that, it's usually that someone asks about me living in China (which I'm a bit tired of talking about to be honest), and we talk about RL stuff from there. Being back into online RP for almost 2 years now, I haven't made any new besties. Very friendly for months, sure. About the only way in which I care what others think of me is to not be remembered as a jerk and my artist reputation. Whether or not it's true that I deflowered a Mtv VJ, or if anyone believes me, doesn't fall into those categories.
 
Wow heavy topic for my firts post, but I was told to get out there and get talking.

I'm female by gender, and I see mayeself as female in my head. My brother is a boy struggling with trans feelings and I know he prtrays himself as a girl online in order to feel more like how he feels on the inside.

Like some others, I've sometimes joined online communities in an androgynous way so as not to attract undue interest from boys. I like boys and girls, and I am in a relationship witha girl right now, bit I've also dated boys. But I find that some boys find it hard to suppress their... enthusiasm whenthey know you are a 'real girl' and not a fake.

One thing I would sayis when many guys pretend to be girls, it sometimes makes it more challenging to be taken seriously as a woman in places such as this as there is, often, an instant suspician that I might not be what I claim to be?
 
I never lie (Or at least try to) it has a sour taste when it escapes my lips. But I also value privacy. Only those I trust will know certain aspects of me and my life. But even then they’ll be common so as to not be able to take me out from the common populace. You never know who you’re truly talking to, so it’s best to be careful.
 
I do my best to be honest about who I am, what I do, and what I like. If there's something I'm not comfortable talking about, I'll say so, and all my partners accept that answer for what it is. I don't like liars; if you don't want to answer something, just say so.
 
I tend to operate under the "Everything I told you is true; I just didn't tell you everything" principle.
 
I have lied a lot in the past for various reasons. I have never lied about my gender but I have (in the past) lied to make myself seem more attractive as a potential writing partner. I quickly found that this was not the best approach because it only end up setting the scene up for failure. Neither of us would get what we were expecting or wanting out of the situation.

On top of this practice setting unrealistic expectations I also found that when I found a person I really did click with I felt guilty because I was lying to them. As I have gotten older and matured as a person I have discovered that lying about anything is just bad policy. That does not mean you have to share everything. Everyone has a right to keep private whatever they wanna keep private. And there are some real creeps out there. But if you want to meet someone, get a good story going maybe have a connection and be friends whatever, you gotta be as honest as you can be. I feel so guilty about some of the things I have told people in the past. People are people whether at the grocery store, at work, here on BM or anywehre else. Be careful with who you associate with but be good, be kind and be honest. In the end it is what is best for yourself.
 
I'm pretty simple. I'm either going to be honest, or I'm not going to disclose.

To me, it is best to be honest or keep your mouth shut.
 
Last edited:
I'm the type of person who wears their emotions on their sleeves for better or worse, usually for the worse. I've never been a good liar, and I don't lie very often. I probably should lie more, but it's just not in my skill set.

I don't like to talk about my personal life because it's fairly banal.
 
I never _lied_ - people _assumed_ someone who had a female character and who had the name of a famous shapeshifter was female.

I’ve had to quietly correct that again and again. But my first ERP partner was male, I’ve never seen anything wrong with two guys writing fantasy Erotica or straight out porn (although that is not my interest) and I’m in the very odd position of having an upbringing without a strong father figure in a positive position - indeed, he was (and is) a cautionary fear I’ve had to unwrap the closer I get to his age. But I did have numerous strong and inspiring female figures - so I have a remarkably feminine psychology for a dominant, seriously hetro in terms of physical arousal, male. I adore queer culture, but I’m _so_ not a part of that, nor gay culture… maybe more kink culture, but…

… the internet has been a safe place to explore for years. I’ve been badly, badly, brutally hurt by lies and accusations of abuse because I was foolish enough to let it drift over to people I knew, and worse I was unhappy enough at the time I let myself get too mentally involved and too jealous… but everyone knew who everyone else was. So when it exploded, it tore my life - and my partners life - apart. Worse, it tore apart the ‘other woman’ (who for the record, I never crossed a line she was unwilling to cross, while well - the one time I did, I was out of my mind from dehydration, post-Covid infection and lack of sleep, and even then I withdrew my posts as quickly as possible and tried to make amends, sadly, but that point the damage was done - not with involved parties, but with others - people can be remarkably under developed in their adult social skills and their desire for scandal, and to look for a reason to cut someone who had ‘taken sides’ in other arguments apart) - and she is today still a close friend.

I regret that, intensely - but I was honest all the way through and it bought me nothing. I was not open all the way through, and since then I’ve had people I know close to me who do ERP express a strong desire that the subject be kept silent, including a genuinely kind, adult, intelligent person who simply commented how viciously they’d seen friends turn on women black marked.

That’s sick, it’s wrong and it’s stupid. Because I am quite perceptive and personable enough to know 90% of people in my social circles are up to something.

So online, I maintain a reasonable degree of separation - there are people in RL who may well use this site and recognise me from this post. But I could also be one of a hundred people.

I am however, within the broad ethical concept that ‘outsiders should not see more than they want, and insiders should not have more than they want displayed’ unwilling to confirm exact identifies to people.

I’ve turned away people who have crossed the line between friendship (and yes, even affection) into unwanted attention and tried to police myself - I am designed by nature to look for the novel. But those close to me are aware, and can ask any question they like and get an honest answer, and I don’t expect other people to keep my secrets from a lover. I do expect the fact that you’re engaging in something of this nature to be discussed with them, otherwise I’m complicit in cheating, and that’s crap. As a bonus, when I’m not if any friendship or affection does develop, it can be held at a distance in the safe space it belongs in until life decides to shake up our lives.

Because I value everything from the plain writing and loose chatter about sex - something I’m _quite_ keen on, right through to the occasional… superb friend I’ve met through chance ERP. I also mourn the loss of those relationships. Because building more is a struggle.

So yes, I’m honest - nothing on here is a lie, and it’s probably enough if you knew me to go ‘oh, that’s X’ but not with any sense of sureness unless you knew a lot more, in which case I’d like to hope that you’d have the discretion not to blurt things out.

And no, I wasn’t always like this - it’s taken a fair few learning experiences and attempts to broaden my horizons to get here, and on the way I did make mistakes - and I also failed. But failure happens, I’m sure I’ll make more.

But just as sure, I know I need the distraction this offers.

So I try to balance the right and wrong imperfectly, but there is a clear difference between saying ‘I don’t know you well enough to share my identity’ and outright lying about it, I feel.

-E
 
EquinoxRoad said:
I am however, within the broad ethical concept that ‘outsiders should not see more than they want, and insiders should not have more than they want displayed’ unwilling to confirm exact identifies to people.
Click to expand...
I love this. Thank you for typing it out.

This how I've approached it since adulthood. Back in college when online relationships and especially online RP was half 'therapy' and half hobby, I did gush and got gushed on a lot. Now, I just want the hobby because I've got enough problems and don't want to hear others'. It's not selfish, it's self-care. I'm really show to share personal information, especially negative stuff. I'll only drop very vague high-level sentiments like "Yeah, I hate my job, too." The fastest way to get me to regret engaging with you is to tell me about all the family cancer and your sick pet that you can't afford to get meds for and how your car got repossessed. That's maybe 6 months in the future for me if we OOC chat regularly. Sharing IRL sexual stuff is even more touchy. I almost never do, and those rare times, it was just a really comfortable exchange that grew from talking about RP kinks/limits and into comical anecdotes that weren't at all predatory or invasive. There's no formula for making that happen, so just don't try to make it happen.
 
obieblu said:
I love this. Thank you for typing it out.
Click to expand...

obieblu said:
There's no formula for making that happen, so just don't try to make it happen.
Click to expand...

There’s an irony here - I learned that from the most adult book on kink I’ve ever read, which healed a… long standing issue in my heart.

The irony is I place more trust… no. That’s not right, that I am _seeking_ those trusted relationships you can’t force, and I damn well do over share something chronic on occasion, I have bits of paper to prove I’m certified to tend to do so. Particularly when I’m battered down, because as a natural extrovert I need that outlet. So I have to watch my words closely, I know when I’ve crossed bridges. I try not to - but if I said didn’t make errors now, that’d be a bit rich.

Not - as you say, out of selfishness, but out of self-care. I go mad as hatter if all the words stay inside my head.

But equally, your points are perfectly articulated, absolutely clear and acceptable to me and reflect my own feelings on the need for barriers.

But then again, we’re all in different situations - and I can say with clear certainty that _erotica_ is more than a hobby for me - not specifically ERP, but ERP is the easiest to access form.

It’s also different for me - I started with only a close circle who have since moved on, and because I moved on from that gushing environment… well, it’s like dating when you’re older, just differently complex and more mature, or at least I try damn hard to be, even when I screw up.

But… maybe it’s not _ironic_ that opposite development leads to the same place, yet different struggles. I think that’s a good thing, it means the place might be right.

Interesting. Thank you for the response. That gives me something to think on.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom