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The Truth And Nothing But It.

Y

YukiBlue

Star
Joined
Jan 12, 2009
I've been listening to the same song pretty much all day. It's been making me happy. Until now. Now it's doing nothing but causing me a lot of pain. I should be used to it by this point but I hurts. I need help from a friend. I need someone to tell me that they actually do care. That I'm not going through this all by myself. I don't want to keep forcing myself to re-live every happy moment with him. All the things we had planned on doing. It's not fair to myself or the other people that care for me. I guess its just another phase of growing up. Right? That's all this is? Once I'm over it, I'll find that perfect person. I don't think I will. I think I already pushed him out of my life...


The song:

"I Hate This Part"

We're driving slow through the snow
On fifth avenue
And right now radio is
All that we can hear

Man we ain't talked since we left
It's so overdue
It's cold outside
But between us
It's worse in here

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's left is goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

Everyday seven takes of the same old scene
Seems we're bound by the laws of the same routine
Gotta talk to you now 'fore we go to sleep
But will we sleep once I tell you what's hurting me

The world slows down but my heart beats fast right now
I know this is the part where the end starts
I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's left is goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you
I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take your tears
I hate this part right here

I know you'll ask me to hold on
And carry on like nothing is wrong
But there is no more time for lies
Cause I see sun set in your eyes

I can't take it any longer
Thought that we were stronger
All we do is linger
Slipping through our fingers
I don't want to try now
All that's left is goodbye to
Find a way that I can tell you

But I gotta do this
I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I hate this part

I gotta do it
I gotta do it
I gotta do it

I hate this part right here
I hate this part right here
I just can't take these tears
I hate this part right here
 
Trust me, I know how you feel. I had to walk home from my exes house after he had oral sex with me because he thought I was just a mistake and wouldn't give me a ride. It took me two hours to get home, and I listened to two songs the whole way...now they remind me of him. It gets better with time, trust me.

I know how hard it is when you feel like no one is there for you, but fight on, troopah! It will get better, and I'd advise to make friends that are real and not sleazebags.
 
It figures right? The one person I COULD manage to care about, because I had before Jason, is all the way across the country. I miss him so much. Josh was my sanity. He was the one person that no matter what happened, he still cared and was still there for me. I guess I was just blind to it all. Josh cares. Jason doesn't. So why am I still having trouble believing Josh that he loves me? I've known him for quite a while. I know that he won't lie to me. But I still can't help it. He doesn't have the best reputation with girls. Literally. His track record is worse than mine! And I didn't know that was possible. I guess we may be able to save one another. Maybe.



Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after an
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
 
I swear my taste in RP is getting odd. I'd love to do more PWP. Probably cause I'm not getting laid. It's my own fault though. It's not like I couldn't just call one of my guy friends and offer. I could. I don't want to. That's the whole thing. I'm getting tired of the whole standard that it is fine for a guy to go off and fuck a bunch of girls, but a girl can't do it. It's not fair in my mind. I'd love to be able to do ti without getting nasty comments made about it. Maybe that's just me. Maybe I am just freakin strange. I don't know. Sex has always been a very strange subject with me. Since I left Jason, it's gotten easier. I'm not scared to say what I want. I can honestly say, it would be fucking nice to get fucked. Not have sex, not make love. Fucked. Huge difference. But unfortunately, most guys are scared they are gonna break me. Which isn't fair. I can be man handled. That's not the issue. Just so long as I'm not getting slammed into too many things, I'm just fine with it.

Kimi wa seijitsu na moralist kirei na yubi de boku wo nazoru
Boku wa junsui na terrorist kimi no omou ga mama ni kakumei ga okiru

Koi ni shibarareta specialist nagai tsume wo taterareta boku
Ai wo tashikametai egoist kimi no oku made tadoritsukitai

Kimi no kao ga toozakaru
Ah boku ga boku de naku naru mae ni

Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni
Aru ga mama de ii yo motto fukaku
Kuruoshii kurai ni nareta kuchibiru ga toke au hodo ni
Boku wa...kimi no...vanilla

...Nante kidorisugi sonna cool na kimi wa plastic
Atsui manazashi ni wa ecologist sono moeru kuchizuke ga modokashii

Yugande iku kimi no kao ga
Ah boku ga boku da iraremasu you ni

Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni
Aru ga mama de ii yo motto hayaku
Kurushii kurai ni nureta kuchibiru ga kotoba nante mou
Kimi to boku not burning love

Ah ikutsu asa wo mukaereba ah yoru wa owaru no darou ka
Ah sora ni chiribamerareta ah shiroi hana ni kakomarete iku

Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni
Aru ga mama de ii yo I've seen a tail
Kuyashii kurai ni kimi ni hamatteru no ni
A crew sees crying knees
I wanna need. Not betray!

Ai shitemo ii kai? yureru yoru ni
Aru ga mama de ii yo motto kimi wo
Kuruoshii kurai ni nareta koshitsuki ga toke au hodo ni
Kimi wa...boku no...bannin da
 
Maybe it all comes with age. The anger, the hurt, the betrayal. You never have that as a child. Maybe when you get older, God decides that he hates your sorry ass, for whatever reason. It just seems to happen. I never had issues with people until turned 6. Then everything went down hill. I know I'm not the only one who has ever thought this. Shit happens. I remember the first time I listened to punk music. About three years later, people started classifying me as Punk. I don't understand that myself but how ever it works is weird. I guess that when you listen to things long enough, your opinions are changed. But if that were true, then why didn't listening to christian music make me take back the christian faith? Maybe it's all in my head. Labels and everything are exactly that. Labels. They don't make us that. They are what people perceive us as.


"I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me"

I found the cure to growing older
And you're the only place that feels like home
Just so you know, you'll never know
And some secrets weren't meant to be told
But I found the cure to growing older

I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends
And I am sorry my conscience called in sick again
And I've got arrogance down to a science
Oh, and I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends

[Chorus: x2]
Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

Find a safe place, brace yourself, bite your lips
I'm sending your fingernails and empty bottles you've sipped
Back to your family cause I know you will be missed
So you can find a safe place, brace yourself

They call kids like us vicious and carved out of stone
But for what we've become, we just feel more alone
Always weigh what I've got against what I left
So progress report: I am missing you to death

[Chorus: x2]
Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up

Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Feeling borrowed
Always blue
Someone old
No one new
Always borrowed
Always you

I found a cure to growing older
I found a cure to growing older

[Chorus: x2]
Douse yourself in cheap perfume it's
So fitting, so fitting of the way you are
You can't cover it up
Can't cover it up
 
I've been wondering for a while what would happen if I left and went to join the military. Would things change for me that much? Perhaps. I know some of my friends would want me to come back. But which ones? I'm not so sure anymore. I love my family. I love my friends. But who would miss me if I left? I know my mom and dad would. Era maybe. Same with Styx. I can't say the same for Lin or any of the others. I want nothing more than to be happy for once. If it means going into the military, then so be it. I don't want to be miserable anymore. At least then, I can get away from all the shit. You know? I'm tired of constantly having to borrow money, to live off my family. I want to be able to go and make a good life for myself. It looks like the military is my best bet.

"What A Catch, Donnie"

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch

You'll never catch us
So just let me be
Said I'll be fine
Till the hospital or American Embassy
Miss Flack said I still want you back
Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you

They say the captain
Goes down with the ship
So, when the world ends
Will God go down with it?
Miss Flack said I still want you back
Yeah, Miss Flack said I still want you back

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you

What a catch
What a catch
What a catch
What a catch

[Elvis Costello:]
I will never end up like him
Behind my back, I already am
Keep a calendar
This way you will always know

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
And all I can think of
Is the way I'm the one
Who charmed the one
Who gave up on you
Who gave up on you

[Gabe Saporta:]
Where is your boy tonight?
I hope he is a gentleman
Maybe he won't find out what I know
You were the last good thing
[Travis McCoy:]
We're going down, down in an earlier round
And sugar, we're goin' down swinging
[Brendon Urie:]
Dance, dance, we're falling apart to halftime
Dance, dance, and these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me
[Doug Does:]
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
This ain't a scene, it's a goddamn arms race
[Alex DeLeon:]
One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you, only sweeter
[William Beckett:]
Growing up, growing up

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
 
Oh man... You got it really bad don't you? I'm sorry to hear all of this. Just remember, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I am right here for you. Remember, everything you do is your choice and, for better or for worse, these choices are something you have to live with. I myself have completely given up on the possibility of finding true love, but that is not a path that I think you will be able to handle. Don't be afraid to open yourself up to someone you really care about. It is better to regret something you have done then something you haven't. Oh, and if you do actually join the military, don't expect me to stop you. In fact, expect me to be running into battle right beside you. Nothing I can really do about the sex bit though...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2naYghOqM0s[/youtube]
 
So I was looking back on my last relationship. Holy shit. I can't believe half of the things that I let him get away with. I was 14 when I first got together with him. I now have come to the horrid realization that our relationship started going to hell not long after I turned 18. Figure that out. It makes little sense till you think of how old I was when we met. As I thought about it, I know it's not what it sounds like. He wasn't that kind of guy. But when you think about it, other people could look at it that way and then would come the problems. Back to my point. I know when we first broke up, I did everything I could to make him feel like shit. I rubbed everything in his face. It was too fucking perfect. All of it. Then he stopped caring and it started making me angry. I couldn't make him hurt anymore. I realized then that I was making him hurt to try and make myself stop hurting. It didn't work. So I forced myself to move on. That is all I could do. I know I keep talking to him. I know I keep hanging out with him when I know I shouldn't. I should listen to the people around me. And I will... I just keep wondering if he will miss me.


"Missed Me"

Missed me, Missed me now you've got to kiss me.
If you kiss me, mister, I might tell my sister.
If I tell her, mister, she might tell my mother
And my Mother, mister, just might tell my father
And my father, Mister, he won't be too happy and he'll have his lawyer
Come up from the city and arrest you mister
So I wouldnt miss me if you get me, mister, see?

Missed me, Missed me now you've got to kiss me.
If you kiss me, mister, you must think I'm pretty.
If you think so, mister, you must want to fuck me.
If you fuck me, mister, it must mean you love me.
If you love me, mister, you would never leave me!
It's as simple as can be!

Missed me, Missed me now you've got to kiss me.
If you miss me, mister, why do you keep leaving?
If you trick me, mister, I will make you suffer!
And they'll get you, mister, put you in the slammer and forget you,
Mister, then I think you'll miss me. Won't you miss me?
Won't you miss me?

Missed me, Missed me now you've got to kiss me!
If you kiss me, mister, take responsibility.
I'm fragile, mister, just like any girl would be
And so misunderstood (so treat me delicately!)

Missed me, Missed me now you've gone and done it!
Hope you're happy in the county penitentiary!
It serves you right for kissing little girls!
But I will visit if you miss me.
Do you miss me? MISS ME?
How's the food they feed you?
Do you miss me?
Will you kiss me through the window?
Do you MISS ME? MISS ME?!
Will they ever let you go?
I miss my mister so!
 
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